animatedsmoke | (no subject)

(no subject)

Who: Ky Kiske, Potemkin
What: New York New York
When: AU (Carvaka + Fables/The Wolf Among Us)
Where: New York

After so much struggle and work to force change on the universe, to have it show some acknowledgement to their efforts or make the barest turn toward their survival, it was change that came on them instead. Like an interstellar probe finding a star among millions, without any foreshadowing or warning a single dimension made itself known to discovery, and that was the moment when the inhabitants of Between found a world that had survived the death of the universe. At last there was some place that didn't resist life to exist on it, or resent it. The planet was alive, populated, growing, and distinctively Earth. But it was still not their Earth, and one could feel the difference with every moment taken in it. It was palpable in the air breathed, the sunlight felt, the mood of the sky. That was before even including interacting with the inhabitants, who turned out to be separate down to the physical definition of humanity.

It's not what anyone wanted. It's not what anyone asked or wished or dreamed for. But it is new chance, a fresh start, and in its purity of experience it is unfamiliar to everyone, which is both terrifying and equalizing.

Ultimately the tantalizing possibilities outweigh the undesirables. No one could bring themselves to refuse the hand. After years of waiting, the confidence had been instilled that nothing better would come, and that this escape was truly the chance of a lifetime. With the deal made, now they must deal with it.

________________

Potemkin throws a bus schedule or four on the nearest flat surface in front of Ky, the folded paper making a slap on the speckled plastic table that is audible even among the incessant sound of traffic outside. Potemkin doesn't add any words to his offering, expecting that the noise will get Ky to look up from whatever he's doing, and makes his way to the refrigerator. He had gone through a bureaucratic ordeal today, and these pieces from a Take One bin are the most significant fruits of his labor. Potemkin has a deep well of patience, but he seeks to refill it when it's drunk from.

It would be a miracle if Potemkin could fit in any form of public transportation (that isn't airship), but as shown by his flippancy he didn't pick those up for himself. Ky Kiske looks normal, at least, he will be able to pick up work, and look through both Fable and Mundie employers to do it (and maybe even someday hold a political position in Fabletown). A job anywhere in this city means some sort of commute. As for Potemkin, who stood out even in the world he was born in, he'll figure it out on his own.

Not that he has all the time in the world to do that, rent comes in a month.

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They're both quiet for a length of time, which lets Potemkin collect himself. He's not any better at relaxing than Ky though. Instead of unwinding, though, Potemkin feels a tense energy build up inside him, which goads him to take action instead of sitting on his heels. The more time goes on, the more he's reassured that he can do it, say something and be prepared for whatever consequence. Finally he does speak up, but as soon as it's out of his mouth his confession loses its directness.

"Ky, I want you to know I care about you..."

Ky blinks, very nearly missing what was said. It takes a moment for his brain to catch up, but even then he doesn't quite understand what prompted Potemkin to say such a thing. Without stopping in his tracks, he looks over to Potemkin with an expression that borders confusion.

"I beg your pardon?"

Now that he's hearing himself he's not sure what else he was expecting. The sentence is so vague he wouldn't know what to get from that either. What a disgrace on him, to fail at communication like this. Potemkin inhales and exhales, like recovering from a bad start in some physical exertion, and tries again.

"After all this time that's passed, the past we've shared as comrades, I came to know more about you... so because of that, the way I thought of you has changed," Potemkin continued on. His voice slows down more and more out of his control, until by the end it's like he's picking out the words individually. "I...I have an obligation to let you know."

Ky's pace slows as Potemkin hesitantly continues his explanation. His gaze never leaves the other man's face, though his eyes gradually widen in surprise. This is some kind of confession, isn't it? Although Potemkin doesn't use any direct terms of endearment, he does seem to be speaking of some level of affection for Ky. That is, at least, the message Ky's getting. Caring for an ally or friend is not particularly confession-worthy, so Potemkin must be speaking of something more.

"Do you mean to say," he asks cautiously, "that you are fond of me in a manner that is beyond friendship?"

See, Potemkin isn't the only one who can tiptoe around certain words.

So Ky is capable of picking up on things after all. Potemkin had been able to hide this for so long it comes as a surprise now. Time has froze for Potemkin, and while he can't manage to keep stepping forward, he can return Ky's look at him. It's by the willpower he has so much pride in that he's facing Ky straight on, and it's this power he calls upon to stay neatly composed to say this. Or so he hopes.

"Yes...My entire life I have never wanted someone. I thought myself immune to the mistakes of falling in love. And in arrogance I believed that's how it should be. But - when I got closer to you and felt more of your kindness, I changed despite everything I knew."

"These feelings go beyond respect, they are...needier and took me a long time to understand. But you should know what I do now. I, Potemkin, confirm that - " Potemkin falters with emotion, his discipline cracking . "I...I love you."

Ky doesn't even know what to say.

He's stunned, rendered still in his tracks when Potemkin stops to continue his confession. He doesn't know what to do. What righteous man wouldn't be touched by such genuine words from someone he's grown close to? Why wouldn't he feel something in his chest, heavy and familiar? Potemkin's confession breaks open the barriers holding back the fondness he holds for the people he cares about, a fondness that had grown inappropriately intimate during his stay at the Fortress Between. That trust, closeness, and affection that a married man should never feel for someone other than his wife. He had thought he could avoid it here.

Maybe it was a foolish desire. No problems could be truly solved by running away from them. He knows that very well.

"...I see." He sounds surprisingly neutral as his brain processes this information. He doesn't know what to do. "Thank you for telling me. I had no idea— I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable at any time in the past."

Because, now that he's thinking about it, the arm touching probably didn't help Potemkin's willpower any.

Uncomfortable? Secret crush or not, Potemkin is still assertive enough on behalf of his own wellbeing to have said something if he truly didn't want...

Ahem. Potemkin is getting flustered when there are other things to process. Such as Ky's face. Before he had realized he was doing it Potemkin had been paying rapt attention to how Ky looked in front of him, out of a desperate attempt to read any sort of reaction from him. Now that he can see shock and bewilderment, he feels foolish. He chatises himself for thinking there was anything to expect in the first place, let alone form hopes.

Deep down he would have liked to see his smile.

Potemkin collects himself enough while Ky is talking so he's ready to speak calmly again.

"I could tell you didn't." Oh he knew that very well. "Do not take this as me asking anything from you. There is nothing you have to give."

"Please don't say that." Ky says, brows furrowing with concern. Concern with what, he's not sure. He lifts his hand as if to reach out for Potemkin, but abandons the action halfway through. Instead, he pulls it back to clutch his fist against his chest.

He should tell Potemkin. He told Sol, who didn't know at the time and deserved to understand the complications their involvement brought. He told Saoirse, who was affectionate nonetheless and tried to show him that fondness for one didn't mean diminished fondness for another. But Potemkin... Ky had been neglectful. He should have told Potemkin long before.

"There is... there is something I can give, but it might not be appropriate." He glances down in shame before focusing on Potemkin again. "No, I should say... don't know if you would find it appropriate."

Ky's gaze remained firm, dropping his hand. "Potemkin. I have a wife and child."

For a moment Potemkin is a government agent again, filing a piece of intelligence. It is immediately obvious why the First King having a covert spouse and offspring is something he's never heard of.

As a man, though, Potemkin is struck with a hurt that goes through his entire body, passing straight through his heart and landing at his feet on the ground. Because of who or what is a question the answers for disgust him. He would have scowled at his own emotions, but that would be interpreted wrong.

"That is something crucial," Potemkin tries to sound controlled but the strain tightens his voice. "You must have been suffering so much more than I knew," he says much more softly. Everyone had lost something, but now Potemkin realizes Ky feels the loss of a family

Ky gives Potemkin a soft and sad smile. Oh, how he appreciates Potemkin's consideration. Instead of openly expressing what Ky expected to be disappointment, he expresses empathy for Ky's situation instead.

"Perhaps," he answers, "but we all suffered losses in one way or another. And we all had to adjust to our new homes together. I'm grateful to have met people who were so understanding."

For the most part, at least. But he knows Potemkin is well aware.

"And I'm grateful to have met people like you, who supported me during difficult times."

"You're being too self-sacrificing again," Potemkin turns Ky down lightly. What he says is technically true, and nobody would say Potemkin didn't deeply feel the loss of Zepp, down to the level of his very being, but the bond between the family one started is just different. Ky shouldn't bring his pain to be equal with everyone else just like that.

He's scolding Ky, but this is only getting into what he finds attractive about him. His over-honed sense of responsibility is just one trait of his Potemkin became very familiar with. Potemkin's eyes widen suddenly, before he looks resigned. Already he can tell these feelings are not going to pass just because he let them out.

"But, if I did do some good, despite my ignorance, I am happy."

Edited (finishing a sentence) 2017-01-26 04:21 (UTC)

"You're understating the impact of your support," Ky parries back with amusement. "If I had been alone in that land, faced with such limited options along with the loss of my family, I don't know what I would have been able to do."

It's a rough thing to admit, but it's true. He just doesn't know how far he would've gone if there was no goal in sight. Hope was all that held him together, and Potemkin's appearance gave him just that ‐ the hope that they would all be able to see each other again.

"Potemkin," he addresses in a more solemn tone. "I'm sorry I don't have a better response to your confession. But please know this: I don't think any less of you for telling me the truth. Nor am I adverse to the thought of being with you. However, as you can imagine, I—"

Ky can't quite finish his sentence. He doesn't know how to feel about this, and doesn't know how to feel about his own muddled feelings. This is something that should have a crystal clear answer, and yet... here he is.

Potemkin doesn't need Ky to go all the way to the end. He nods and speaks up before he finishes.

"No, I am thankful that you've been so...understanding, all things considered."

Courtship would have been one thing (even if the practice is intimidating for him in sheer alienness), changing Ky's mind is completely out of the question with that motivation.

"We each know more and can do better moving forward," Potemkin tries to put an optimistic spin of the lack of answers in sight. "I will understand if you don't want to room together anymore," he addresses one issue that will become apparent very soon. As soon as their walk is over.

Ky snaps his attention back to Potemkin, gaze firm with a hint of alarm.

"I would never ask you to leave because of this," he says sternly. "Unless you feel uncomfortable, you don't need to concern yourself over me. I will still gladly share our living space with you."

"I just thought - " Potemkin blurts out his would-be rationale, but it seems pointless. After all Ky isn't really rejecting him, and has not once shown him disgust. Imagining that, he sees how out of character it would be despite his fears. Maybe he got the idea from how the military would have turned its nose down at excessive fraternization. Or, Potemkin thinks in merciless analysis of himself, he thought Ky would consider keeping a secret a breach of trust.

"Thank you. For the hospitality and your trust."

Ky briefly considers asking Potemkin to clarify, but hesitates. Would that be pushing the man too far? He's sure Potemkin is full of thought, just as Ky is, but he can't help wondering about what. The urge to ask is great. When he was younger he would've done so without hesitation. But age has (thankfully) tempered that somewhat. Instead, he files the reaction away in his mind, taking note to keep track of it for the future. If it turns out to be the cause of any misunderstandings, he'll promptly work to correct it.

"There's no need to thank me," he says, "but you're welcome."

He gestures, holding his hand out as if he were offering peace. "Come, let us continue walking together."

Potemkin feels at once like he's obtained ultimate resolution and none at all, and looking back he doesn't know if he can say if this was a disaster or not. Ky bringing him back to their original, simple goal of exploring the park is comforting. His whole body relaxes, and suddenly he's not standing by Ky as if facing the gravest issue, but on his feet. He's still close to Ky but it's for the company, the tension starting to disperse. He will still be himself, Potemkin remembers.

"Yes, let's."

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